Last night Michael got home from his business trip to Cleveland. Since I’m now working I didn’t get to go with him like I did in the fall so I was left here for 4 days (3 nights – I really just count nights ’cause they’re the worst!). But I didn’t publicize the fact that I was going to be here alone in order to protect myself from the crazies. I really can’t stand it when he is gone – there have been two other times since we’ve been married that he has had to go on business trips that I couldn’t go on because of work.
The days are fine because I’m a work and I always make sure to have some activities to work on to keep me occupied in the evenings; this time it was my quilt blocks (here and here), one trip Michael got me a season of Bones on dvd to watch while he was gone – (although in hindsight I don’t know if watching scary shows was the best idea). It’s bedtime that’s the hardest. I just get scared when it’s dark and quiet and I’m by myself. I don’t sleep as well and I feel tense. I don’t know how people who are by themselves at night much more than me for various reasons do it! I guess you get used to it eventually.
Anyway, back on track for what I really wanted to talk about. Fear. I’m not really sure why, or what the trigger was, or even if there was a trigger, but for some reason in college I started getting scared at night. I was living in a house with two other girls, and there were times I would be the only one there at night when they would both go home for the weekend and I would stay. In fact, one summer I lived there alone for three weeks while I worked at a seminar and they were at home for the summer. And during those times I was fine being there at night. I definitely preferred them to be there at night, too, and I was a little more cautious when they were gone, but never really afraid. Then for some reason, and I have no idea why, I started getting really scared at night, even when they were there. It got to the point that I was sleeping with a baseball bat in my bed and locking my bedroom door (which I hadn’t done before). We lived in a quiet neighborhood and there wasn’t any reason for me to be afraid, but I was.
One thing I did was to stop watching so many crime shows (CSI, Law & Order) and I’m sure that helped some. But the biggest thing that helped were Bible verses. I found three verses about fear and every night before bed I would read each of them to remind me not to be afraid. They really helped me. The little sticky note I made with the verses on it is still stuck in the front of my Bible; I don’t have to read them as often now but when Michael goes out of town I go back to those verses. If you struggle with fear I hope these verses help you (and if your battle is with something different I hope you’ll find your own list of verses that help you combat that struggle).
“In peace I will both lie down and sleep, for you alone, O Lord, make me to dwell in safety.”
“When I am afraid I will put my trust in You. In God, whose word I praise, in God I have put my trust; I shall not be afraid. What can mere man do to me?”
“When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet. Do not be afraid of sudden fear nor of the onslaught of the wicked when it comes; for the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught.”
Aren’t God’s promises amazing?