My students say some of the most hilarious stuff. Here’s just a sampling from the past few months (apologies in advance to my Facebook friends…you’ve already probably seen most of these in my status updates, but there are a few new ones thrown in there, too).
setting: a day or two after the kids checked out their first books of the year and we had had several lessons about book care
2nd grader as she hops off the bus: “I forgot how you told us not to color in our books…”
(I checked her book – yep, pink marker all over it. Interesting how she “forgot”)
Student: Why are you wearing teeth?
Student: Your earrings – they look like teeth!
Me (takes them out and looks at them): You’re right! They kind of do.
setting: 4th grader comes in to the library about an hour after his class had been there to check out books
Him: I accidentally threw my library book through the basketball hoop in the gym.
Me: Accidentally? How do you accidentally throw a book through a basketball hoop?
Him: Well, actually so-and-so forced me to do it.
Me: They forced you?
Him: Well, he said that if I didn’t do it then he was going to tell everyone that I said a bad word!
(Apparently the gym teacher told the computer teacher about the incident and she made him come apologize to me)
setting: We have a high ESL population at our school so often we print things in both Spanish and English. I had printed the pre-order forms for the newest Diary of a Wimpy Kid book in both languages and set them in two stacks on my desk
Me: Be sure to pick up a pre-order form off my desk – there are Spanish ones and English ones, take whichever one you need
Multiple students all day long: (walk up to desk and look at both forms, then ask) Which one is Spanish and which one is English?
Me: Just get the one you can read and don’t get the one you can’t read…
(I was baffled by this all day, although a teacher pointed out to me later that many of the students don’t read Spanish even though they speak it at home and they know their parents need the Spanish version…however I still think they could use their powers of deduction to figure out which one was in English and then just assume the other is in Spanish. But maybe that makes too much sense.)
setting: Multicultural Fair – I was helping to serve snacks in the cafeteria
Student (walks through the line with his plate, looks up at me with total surprise): Hey! You go to the library!
Me (trying not to laugh): Yes, but sometimes I leave the library, too.
(It cracks me up how they think I can never leave the library)
setting: student walks past the library one morning, looks in at me, and waves
Student: Good Morning, Mrs Library!
(this happened the same day as the above incident at the Multicultural Fair – the library is stealing my identity)
setting: walking down the hall past a group of kindergarteners lined up at the bathroom; they all want to give hugs so I stop and hug each one
Student #1: You are the best library teacher EVER!
Student #2 (hugs me and pats my belly): There’s a baby in there.
Me: Nope. No baby in there.
(Kindergarteners tell it like it is.)
setting: Halloween; I wore a 50s style poodle skirt
Student: What are you?
Me: I’m a 50s girl…see my poodle skirt?
Student: No, you’re a librarian!
Me: Well in real life I am a librarian, but for Halloween I’m a 50s girl.
Student: A 50s librarian?
Me: Close enough.
setting: Halloween again
A student called me a princess multiple times even after I told him I was from the 50s. But hey, if someone wants to call me a princess, who am I to argue with that?
setting: Halloween, yet again
Student: Are you from, like, the 100s?
setting: a 2nd grade classroom; I’m sitting at one of the student computers trying to fix it (I’m the tech person at my school). A student is sitting at the computer next to me working on something.
Student: Can you fix mumble-mumble-mumble’s computer
Me: I don’t know who that is
Students: It’s my aunt!
Me: Oh sweetie I only fix the computers here at school.
Student: So if she brings it here to school will you fix it?
(Can’t blame the kid for trying)
setting: Kroger. Monday before the election. I’m wearing a Bowling Green Purples t-shirt – our whole district is called the purples so even though I work at the elementary school the shirt I was wearing had the mascot of the high school on it. This was not a student, but it was school-related and funny anyway so I had to share.
Man restocking shelves: How about those Purples!
Man: Can I ask you a personal question? Are you old enough to vote?
Me: Umm yes. I’m actually 25 and this is my second presidential election to vote in. (realize the confusion is probably because of my shirt) I’m a teacher in the city schools, not a student.
Man: Oh ok! I was just going to ask who you would be voting for if you were able to vote tomorrow. I guess you can consider that a compliment that I thought you were in high school. Now you can go home and tell people about a creepy man asking you questions at the grocery.
(as I inched away from him and did just that by updating my Facebook status)
I have the funniest students – you never know what they are going to say. I’m glad I remembered to write all these down so I don’t forget them someday.
P.S. Don’t forget to enter to win my giveaway for an exclusive 5-disc (Blu-Ray, DVD, 3D Blu-Ray, digital copy, and bonus disc) copy of Disney-Pixar’s Brave! Ends tonight!