The Gap Conundrum

A co-worker shared some slightly life-altering, devastating  shocking, first-world-problem, news with me at school the other day.

But first, the backstory:

Y’all know Rachel, right?  Rachel of Mom Jeans and Long Butt fame?  I’ve professed my stalker-ish love for her before but just in case you forgot, here’s the scoop: Rachel writes probably the funniest blog I’ve ever stumbled upon over at Grasping for Objectivity.  While I enjoy all her posts, I especially love her posts about jeans.  It all started when she explained what mom jeans were and how to avoid the dreaded long butt and showed how much more flattering your backside can look in the right jeans.  Then she showed us more great examples here, discussed the epidemic of mom jeans on babies here, lamented maternity mom jeans here,  shared more denim miracle makeovers here, gave some denim fitting tips here, discovered the horror of mom jeans amongst our presidential candidates here, and tackled the issue of how to find great plus size jeans here.

I await every post of hers with anticipation, knowing that each one will result in a reaction somewhere between a big smile and a laughing-so-hard-tears-roll-down-my-face.  I especially look forward to the jeans posts because they are hilarious and informative…I learn something else about finding great jeans each time.

So the day her post titled “An Inconvenient Gap of Truth” popped up in my Google Reader, I proceded to read with much excitement.

But then I read something.  Something that chilled me to the bone.  Rachel said that Gap and Old Navy jeans were gateway mom jeans.  Wait, what?  Gateway mom jeans?  But I am a tried-and-true Gap jeans wearer!  Does that mean I, who routinely make fun of mom jeans, might be committing that very offense myself?  May it never be!

I felt crushed.  Devastated.  Gap Long and Leans are literally the only jeans that I’ve ever thought looked good on me – both at my smallest weight and at my largest (that being about a 40 pound weight range).  Vastly different sizes, yes, but still the only jeans that I thought were flattering. (Let’s take a second, though, and discuss the name, as I am not that long at 5’7″ and certainly not what anyone would call lean, so I’m not quite sure how jeans named Long and Leans fit, but anyway…).  You know which ones I’m talking about…they show up in just about every What I Wore Wednesday post except in the hottest parts of the summer, sometimes multiple times a week, so you’ve seen them a time of twelve.

(you know…these)

I panicked a bit.  I mourned over this information.  And then I did it.  I took a picture of my rear in said jeans and emailed it to Rachel.  Yes I admit it, I sent a picture of my backside to someone I only know via email to examine and critique.  The things we do for fashion.

Anyway, the results came back positive!  Rachel confirmed that I was in fact one of the lucky few who could wear Gap Long and Leans without looking Mom-jean-ish!  I was so relieved!  I could continue wearing my trusty jeans without fear of long butt.  What good news!

So that brings me to what my co-worker told me.

I was wearing the aforementioned Long and Leans on our Friday casual day.  My co-worker walks up to me while I’m doing my morning car rider duty and casually says “you know they don’t carry those jeans in the store anymore, right?”.  I was shocked.  Incredulously I peppered her with questions to make sure we were talking about the same jeans.

Gap?  Yes.  Long and Leans?  Yep.  No longer in stores?  You got it.

After she mentioned it, I remembered that I had popped in to Gap the previous weekend and very quickly glanced at the jean section.  I hadn’t seen the Long and Leans but I didn’t think anything of it, I just figured they were in a different section of the store.  Now I know.

The jeans that Gap has had since I was in high school are no longer sold in stores!  I adore these jeans.  In fact, I had recently found out that Gap sold Long and Lean maternity jeans and I had that nugget stored in the back of my mind so that someday when I need maternity jeans I would know just where to go.

The semi-good news is that they are still sold online.  However, I’m deathly afraid that this is only temporary and eventually they will stop selling them altogether.

I blame Rachel.  Yep, that’s right…Rachel, I blame you.  It is my belief that your expose on Gap and their gateway mom jeans has caused such a loss of business that they had to quit carry certain jeans in stores.  Are you proud of yourself?  Huh?  Huh?  I bet you’ll see it in the news soon, maybe titled “Mommy Blogger Single-Handedly Takes Down Denim Empire”.  Look for it soon in a newspaper near you.

Now I feel an irrational urge to order a ton of pairs in several different sizes (you know, for *someday* when I lose those extra pounds), and horde them away for the years to come.  That seems a bit excessive, but what can I say?  I love my jeans.  You may find me clutching my jeans to my chest and crying on the floor of my closet soon.

And that, my friends, is today’s devastating news.

(Oh, and Rachel…if Gap ever does quit selling them online and I have to look elsewhere for jeans, you just be prepared for me to come down to good ‘ole Alabama so you can take me jeans shopping.  I mean, after singlehandedly ruining my wardrobe, I think you owe me ;).



  1. Hey, just so you know they are called Long and Lean, because they make you look that way! I worked there and had to ask :)

  2. I’m so very sorry. So very, very sorry. My intentions were not to harm, but to help. And in my defense, Long and Leans were even the style in which I showed my friend, on whom they did work!

    I passed on your devastating news to her this morning. She is choosing NOT to blame me. Perhaps you could find the same mercy within your heart.

    • I think I can let you off the hook…but really, it would be pretty cool if you single-handedly took down Gap with a few blog posts, even if it meant losing my favorite jeans. Mommy-blogger power is a force to be reckoned with :)

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