My Chocolate Moments

Let’s face it, we live in an immodest world.  I mean, we’ve got stars letting it all hang out on the red carpet, girls wearing sports bras and short-shorts at the gym, bikinis everywhere at the pool and beach (not to mention pictures of girls in said bikinis posted all over Facebook), cleavage and miniskirts at church, and every other picture on Pinterest someone is half naked.

We learned yesterday that guys have some pretty strong (and surprising!) opinions about what is immodest.  If you’re like me, those results convicted you a little and you’re thinking that your wardrobe needs a bit of a modest face-lift.  We established that there is a need to be more modest, so now let’s talk about some ways to actually do that.

First, you need to get in your mind the difference in fixed modesty vs. functional modesty (thanks to Daniel for introducing me to those terms).  Fixed modesty is when an outfit is modest while you are fixed – just standing in front of the mirror.  Everything looks fine, not too short, no cleavage showing, etc.  But then when you start to move around (i.e. function) to notice some issues – cleavage when you lean over, too short when you sit down, skirt rides up when you walk, back is exposed when you sit down, etc.  Functional modesty is when you can do all those things I just listed (and more) and still be covered modestly.

I’ll be honest with you – fixed vs. functional modesty is what gets me just about every time.  I never buy something knowing that it is immodest, but often I’ll look really quickly in the dressing room mirror, all looks fine, and then the first time I wear it out I start to realize it’s not functionally modest.

The first thing to do to make sure your clothes are modest is to check your clothes before you buy them.  If it is hard to check in the dresing room because there is nowhere to sit down or the lighting is bad then make sure to check them thoroughly when you get home before you take the tags off.  Here are some things to look out for:

• - bend over to see if any cleavage is going to show
• - tug on your shirt a little to see if it is going to slip down too low or ride up too high
• - raise your hands above your head to make sure you belly is still covered
• - sit down in a chair and cross your legs to see if your skirt is still covering enough
• - sit down in a chair and make sure your pants and shirt still meet in the back
• - bend over and check to make sure that your rear end and legs are still covered
• - move around in your clothes – walk around, do some normal activities, make sure everything is going to stay in place and covered without lots of tugging and adjusting
• - examine from all angles to make sure your shirt, pants, skirt, dress, etc. isn’t too tight and form fitting.  If it looks like your pants were spray painted on or that you had to be melted down and poured into them, they are too tight!

I saw this on Facebook and thought it was worth sharing.  I couldn’t find the source of the image (if you know who made it, please let me know so I can credit them), but I know the original list came from here.

Now let’s say you already have some cute clothes that you love and/or your budget just won’t allow for a total wardrobe make-over.  My second tip is layer, layer, layer.  Invest in some tank tops, thin but modest long sleeved or short sleeved tops, skirt extenders, and cardigans.

• - wear tank tops with a higher neckline than your shirt to give you more coverage up top
• - wear tank tops that extend lower than the bottom of your shirt to give you more coverage between your shirt and pants

I have a ton of these tank tops (they are Maurice’s brand but I always find them at Rugged Wearhouse/Gabriel Brothers) – the lace at the top and bottom makes them perfect for too short and/or too low-cut shirts.

Courtney at Women Living Well shares where she likes to get her layering tanks (spoiler – one place she gets them is from the men’s section…I never would have thought to look there!)

• - use cardigans over shirts/dresses that are too strappy

I adore cardigans and have a gagillion-million of them.  I get them from all different places, but the ones from Loft are my favorite

• - wear a t-shirt or long sleeved shirt under a shirt/dress with thin straps

too tight to be worn by itself, but perfect for putting under another shirt or dress for extra coverage and warmth

• - wear a skirt extender (basically a slip with a pretty edge at the bottom that is meant to hang out below your skirt) if your skirt is too short on its own

There are several places you can buy skirt extenders (here and here) or learn how to make them yourself (here and here)

• - turn an item that is sold as a dress but is much too short (hello Forever 21, I’m looking at you) into a tunic-like shirt and wear it over pants (but not leggings or tights)

Take heart, I have some good news for you – it is much easier to dress modestly than one might think.

• - Vintage clothing (which is usually fairly modest) is very popular right now, as are maxi skirts/dresses.
• - Pinterest has made is so much easier to visualize cute clothing pairings – I see cute and modest stuff on there all the time.
• - Skirts are pretty easy to sew.  I see tutorials all the time on Pinterest (like this and this and this and this and this and this) – if you can sew then you can make all kinds of modest skirts.

• - The amazing tool we have called the internet makes it so much easier to find modest apparel – you can Google “modest swimsuits” or “modest dresses” and come up with a wealth of information right at your fingertips.  Gone are the days where we were limited to what you could find in stores or in a few catalogs!
• - There are tons of online shops where everything (or almost everything) is modest.  I love this one, this one, and this one.
• - Uniqueness in fashion is pretty normal and accepted

But you know what, even if it isn’t easy to dress modestly, even if we do stand out and look different than everyone around us, that is okay!   We are not supposed to look like the rest of world.  Romans 12:2 “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.”  I know that is is hard to be different.  We want to dress like everyone else (especially high schoolers).  But being like the world is not what we are here for.  We are here on earth to honor God, to be light to the world, and to bring others to Christ.  Being mindful of the way we dress is a part of that.

You might have noticed that I didn’t talk about bathing suits.  I was intending to, but then decided that the bathing suit issue needs a post of its own, so be looking for that later this week.

Your turn – what advice do you have for dressing modestly?

So…modesty.  Kind of a touchy, but necessary subject, wouldn’t you say?  Well, get ready ’cause I’m about to stomp on some toes (my apologies in advance).

A little background: over the last year or so I’ve started questioning some of my clothing choices and wondering if they weren’t modest enough.  Let me be clear, I’ve never worn anything that I intended to be immodest or that I knew was immodest, but recently I’ve started wondering if some of the things I thought were modest were actually immodest.  I first started noticing that the things that were fine when I was teaching high school (and not moving around much) did not provide enough coverage now that I teach elementary and am sitting on the floor or trying to pick up a screaming child who has prostrated themselves on the floor or bending over to shelve books.  I also started to notice that the clothes that were fine while sitting or standing very still in church were not so modest when holding a squirmy, grabby baby.

I had already started altering my wardrobe a little to be more modest and actually planned to write a blog post about modesty but before that happened I was asked to teach the junior high and high school girls class at church this quarter. We are coving a lot of heavy material this quarter, but one of the big things we’ve covered is modesty.  And then, on top of that we recently had a girls day at our church where our topic was modesty.  Needless to say, this has been on my mind quite a bit recently.

I think the issue of modesty typically is seen as a teenager issue and is reserved for girls classes and devotionals, but I have to say that I have seen a lot of young adult women that struggle with this (myself included!) and I feel like the most important audience to reach regarding modesty is the mothers of these teens…because for the most part the parents are the ones buying the clothes.  So even though my blog is probably not read by many teenagers, hopefully this will still be impactful to some of my readers.

There are two types of modesty: dealing with our attitude (usually meaning humble) and dealing with our clothing.  Obviously I’m going to be talking about clothing.  Webster defines modesty as “propriety in dress, speech, or conduct”.  We know that when Adam and Eve ate of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil their eyes were opened, they realized they were naked, they made coverings for themselves, and then God made even more coverings for them (Genesis 3).  1 Timothy 2:9-10 tells us (and I’m paraphrasing here) that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty.

The hardest part when teaching about modesty, though, is that it is very subjective.  The Bible tells us to be modest, as indicated in the above two examples, but it does not come out and specifically say that shorts that are x length are modest and shirts that cover x, y, and z are modest.  Trying to figure out what is modest and what is immodest can be a bit of a gray area.  So we (the girls in my class and I) decided to get some more concrete guidelines…by asking the guys what they thought was modest or immodest.

Let’s be honest.  If there were only girls on earth, it really wouldn’t matter what we wore.  One of the biggest reasons for us to dress modestly is so that we don’t cause the guys we come in contact with to stumble.  Matthew 5:8 says “but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart”.  Males are very visual.  They struggle with lustful thoughts.  And when girls put their bodies on display, it makes it very difficult for men to not notice.

However, we usually hear this speech from other women – our moms, some other lady at church, etc.  And we think, “oh surely this or that isn’t really a problem for the guys I know”.  Which is why we went to the source.  To get actual guys who we actually know to tell us what is and is not a problem for them.

Now, this survey is very simplistic.  We chose 14 items that we weren’t quite sure if they were immodest or modest.  We gave the survey to 16 guys at our church from 7th grade to college aged.

Here were their answers:

Of the 14 items we listed, there are only 3 things that the majority (87% or greater) of the guys surveyed said were modest:

• sleeveless shirts
• skirts to the knee
• shorts to the knee

In regards to the other 11 things listed, the majority (62% or higher) of the guys said these were immodest:

• tank tops
• shorts above the knee
• skirts above the knee
• skirts that are normally too short if worn with leggings or tights
• shirt that is see-thru if worn with a tank top under
• yoga pants
• tight jeans
• pants with words written across the backside
• shirts that expose stomach/back
• strapless tops/dresses
• tankini bathing suits

In fact, 2 of these items (skirts that are normally too short if worn with leggings or tights and shirts that expose stomach/back) were considered immodest by 100% of the guys surveyed!

Here are some of the additional comments that were left by the guys:

• one person mentioned that writing on the chest of shirts was immodest
• “anything that men would/could have sexual attractions to” is immodest
• “girls you shouldn’t seek attention by dressing immodest, it is the wrong attention to get”
• “all the things I circled I consider immodest because they often times results in men having sexual thoughts” (Caitlin’s note: the things this commenter indicated as immodest included everything except sleeveless shirts, shorts to the knee, and skirts to the knee)
• “please dress modest girls :)”

I have to say that I was floored by some of these answers.  I knew bikinis were immodest (you’re basically wearing panties and a bra in public…get real), but I was ok with tankinis (although now that I think about it, that’s just like wearing panties and a small, tight tank top).  I also was big into wearing leggings or tights under skirts that were a little too short – 100% of the guys we surveyed said that was not ok!  And most of my skirts were pretty close to the top of the knee while standing, but got much shorter when sitting down.

If you want to see survey results from over 1,600 Christian guys that cover 148 different questions about modesty (much more thoroughly and extensively than the survey we did), I highly recommend checking out therebelution.  Very interesting stuff indeed.

This has gotten my wheels turning and is definitely making me re-think my clothing choices.  Like always though, I don’t want to just be preached at and told to do something (you need to pray more, you need to study your Bible, you need to wear modest clothes, etc.)…I also want to be given a few suggestions of HOW, and I assume many of you are the same way.  So tomorrow we will talk about that in light of these survey results and discuss some practical ways to be more modest.

Your turn – what do you think about those survey results?  Are you as surprised as I was?  Did it change the way you view modesty?